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Dear Abby 2/1
Man is at war with himself trying to trust his lover
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    DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing "Dawn" for a year and a half. Early in our relationship she cheated on me. I love Dawn more than I have loved anyone before, but I can't bring myself to completely trust her.
    She wants to move in with me now. My heart and my brain are telling me two different things. What do I do? -- AMBIVALENT IN YAPHANK, N.Y.
    DEAR AMBIVALENT: Listen to the organ that thinks.
    DEAR ABBY: I work at a university, in an office that caters to student needs. Therefore, there is constant traffic consisting of students, faculty and staff.
    I share space with a 22-year-old administrative assistant, and our office is flooded with music throughout the day. I realize that some people "need" noise, but I am not one of them. It's challenging to meet and advise students in this semi-private environment while music is blaring, and even daily tasks and phone calls are an issue. On occasion, the selections are inappropriate for the office.
    She is a nice girl, but how do I approach her and/or my supervisor without sounding like a tattletale or a complainer? -- HAD IT WITH THE SOUND TRACK
    DEAR HAD IT: If you haven't already done so, talk with the young woman and explain that while some people love music while they work, others are distracted by it and find it difficult to function, and you fall into that category. If she's unwilling to cooperate after that, then perhaps your supervisor can help her see the light.
    DEAR ABBY: My 6-year-old nephew, "Andy," is destructive. He lies constantly and frequently steals small items.
    I offered to assist my sister, "Mary," by baby-sitting Andy when she began working again after her divorce became final. Day-care is extremely expensive, and I doubted she could afford it. This was over a year ago, and the problems started right away.
    After the most recent occurrence, I finally went ballistic even though the items Andy stole cost only 33 cents. I have had it! When Andy is confronted, he always says someone else did it (I have children of my own), that someone gave it to him (which has never been the case), "it was an accident" or "it was already like that" (half the time either my husband or I had seen him break the item). Andy has never admitted what he has done or said he was sorry.
    I finally informed Mary that I'm no longer available to watch her son due to his outrageous behavior, and I never want him in my house again. I haven't spoken to my sister in months. I see no future for Andy except prison. Is there a program for someone like him to prevent that in the future? -- AT A LOSS IN MISSOURI
    DEAR AT A LOSS: Your nephew is a very angry little boy. Not only has Andy lost his father, but his mother has gone from being a full-time mommy into the workforce while he was left in a household where he is no longer the center of attention. In addition, he may also have some emotional problems or learning disabilities.
    Giving your sister the silent treatment isn't the answer. Her son should be evaluated by a mental health professional, and the place to start is by asking the boy's pediatrician for a referral. Please urge her to do it ASAP.
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