While working in my secret parenting laboratory, hidden deep beneath the earth’s surface and accessible only by me and a small, select team of associates, I recently made what I believe is a huge and history-making breakthrough that promises to greatly improve parenting the world over. For years, I have stood almost alone among America’s parenting pundits in defending the legitimacy of “because I said so,” perhaps the most maligned four words in all of human history. I have gone on record as saying that “because I said so” affirms the authority of the parent, provides an honest answer to a child’s demand to know the reason behind the parent’s decision, and all but eliminates the possibility of mutually debilitating parent-child argument.