A new couple just moved in next door and the husband asked me some questions, "What does a just retired guy do? Will I have enough money to live relatively well? Can I adapt to not going to work every day? Will I feel useless?"

Here's my standard reply. "If I rise in the morning and my name is not in the obits, I sit in my big old kick-back chair and watch news for about 10 or 15 minutes. Then, I'll eat my bowl of oatmeal and prunes. I do this regularly. (Chuckle, chuckle) I can't define relatively well, but let's say that we have enough money on which to live. I hope to live to a riper old age. I'll be 87 in June -- no presents, please -- and I will use my cell phone only for emergencies or trips as I do not want brain damage from radiation. Julie and I also volunteer for a hospice thrift store three days a week. I move furniture and she works in the clothing department, so we get plenty of exercise. By the way, I am planning a great memorial for myself. I would like to sail naked along the beach and yell bad words at the swimmers. After that, I will die slowly, as Julie will beat me to death with her cane.

Hoards of men will gather together, weeping manly tears and sing "Stand By Your Man." Julie, of course, will be elevated to sainthood and be enshrined in the Order of Sisterhood Hall of Famous Women.

Retirement for some is not the same as it is for others. I remember a colleague who said to me, "John, I don't think I can ever retire. My job gives me meaning. If I step down, I'll just be another guy walking down the street. My job is who I am."

The Bible doesn't say much about retirement. You lived and you died. It does have some good words about white hair and the few who lived extraordinarily long lives. We have to assume that old age was simply accepted, the aged were taken care of and the survivors just kept on living. My educated guess is that biblical life was brutal, compartmentalized and death was a gift from the hardships.

In today's world, God has opened up a new future for so many. Men and women are living longer and healthier with opportunities younger generations would have believed impossible. Instead of being shipped off to centers named Shady Acres, Home on the Range or Dew Drop Inn, retired folks are sought after by businesses, can learn foreign languages, take art and music and volunteer their remarkable skills to help others.

What does a retired person do? First of all, never look back. Then, take some time to look around and evaluate what skills you have, how much time you will need for yourself and how much time you have to share with others. Ask other retirees what they do or enjoy doing. Please do not retire to a porch swing, a couch or a recliner unless you have a death wish.

Most importantly, thank God Almighty for the chance to experience a whole new life out there and be prepared to wake every day with a smile and the knowledge that you have something to share with a world in need.

That's what a retired person does.

Thanks, God!