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Dear Abby 5/11
Wife in 'horrible' marriage thinks she knows why
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DEAR ABBY: I have been in a horrible marriage for eight years. My husband, "Greg," has a lot of problems from his childhood and has a hard time being in a relationship. I have recently learned that he was raped by a family member when he was a little boy. He seems to be in denial, and claims it didn't happen.
    In any case, I have had a feeling lately that Greg is attracted to men and may be having some kind of a fling with a guy. This guy is supposed to be a business associate, but he calls my husband constantly and has shown up at our house at 12:30 at night. Greg refused to answer the door, but texted him and lied to me about it. I feel like he doesn't want me to meet this guy.
    How would I be able to tell if this is happening? Greg certainly won't tell me. -- LOST IN BRONX, N.Y.
    DEAR LOST: My question to you is why have you tolerated living in a "horrible" marriage for eight long years? Most women would have insisted on an intervention through marriage counseling long before this.
    The time has come to listen to your intuition. If you "think" your husband is cheating, regardless of whether it's with a man or a woman, then he probably is. If you know he lied to you and texted the man who came to your house, then check his computer and start digging for the evidence. The alternative would be to hire a private detective. The information that's gathered will help you determine what to do next.

    DEAR ABBY: My mother has criticized almost everything either I or my husband has done almost from the start of our marriage. Sometimes it's disguised under the apologetic, "I'm only trying to help," like when she sends "helpful" articles on how to correct my latest flaw.
    I have tried telling her that my husband and I are both aware of these things, and if it were currently within our abilities to fix said flaws, we would. It wasn't nearly as difficult to ignore when we lived in a different state from my parents, but now we live across town from them due to unfortunate circumstances.
    The whole situation really has me down, and I know it's not normal for someone to feel depressed for as long as I have (we moved in 2003, and that's when my feelings intensified). Have you any suggestions? -- FEELING LOW IN LAS VEGAS
    DEAR FEELING LOW: Have you told your mother how hurtful and depressing her helpful criticisms are? If the answer is no, then it's time you and your husband had a heart-to-heart with Mama. If the answer is yes, then any mail you receive from her should be returned unopened and marked "refused." And she should be told plainly that the more she criticizes, the more depressed it makes you and the less she'll see of you.
    DEAR ABBY: As a nana, I have a problem when taking my 13-year-old granddaughter, "Eden," to church, stores, restaurants. Eden has blue eyes, black eyelashes and long blond hair. Anywhere I take her, people tell her how beautiful she is, and Eden is so embarrassed, she can't speak and casts her eyes down to the floor.
    I know they mean well, but what is an appropriate response to these people? -- NANA IN TAMPA
    DEAR NANA: Because your granddaughter is too shy to say anything, you should say: "Thank you. But even more important than beauty, my granddaughter is smart and nice to others, and we are very proud of her."
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