DEAR ABBY: I am 15 years old, and for 13 years I have known that I am adopted. My friend tells me that she thinks she has found my real mother — that she goes to her church. I'm really confused.
I need to know the truth about my mom and dad, and even though I want a relationship, I think it's too late to try to pursue one with her. I love her, even though I don't know her.
My boyfriend tells me I should go and see her, but I'm nervous and confused all at the same time. I'm scared that I might get heartbroken, and I don't want that to happen. Abby, what should I do? Should I leave it the way it is, or try to pursue a relationship with her? — IN MUCH PAIN IN NASHVILLE, N.C.
DEAR IN PAIN: First of all, I want you to know that all of the feelings you're experiencing — the love, the yearning, the nervousness and fear of rejection — are normal. It is natural for a child to want to know her parents and how she came to be adopted.
However, before you make any decisions about reaching out to this woman, you should discuss it with your family, which could help you avoid making a painful mistake. Because your friend "thinks" she has located your birth mother doesn't mean the woman is who the girl thinks she is.
It would be healthier for everyone concerned if your parents helped you to locate your birth mother at a time that is mutually agreeable. Most birth parents are as eager to be reunited with the children they placed for adoption as their offspring are.
DEAR ABBY: I hired a caregiver I'll call Annie to stay with my father while I work. When setting up Dad's pills for the coming week, I noticed that only one pill remained of one of his medications, and it was not due to be refilled for several weeks. I asked Annie about it; she denied any knowledge. No one other than my husband, Annie and Annie's adult, mentally ill daughter have access.
A few days later, Annie apologized and confessed that she had taken the pills. She once suffered from narcolepsy and felt her symptoms were returning, so she used the medicine to help. (My father needs it to stay awake during the day.) Annie also has her daughter, who is in a residence for the mentally ill, at my home almost every day and her 4-year-old granddaughter.
I am beginning to feel taken advantage of, but she is good to Dad and I dread finding a replacement. What is your opinion? — UNSURE IN INDIANA
DEAR UNSURE: As I see it, you have two choices: Lay down the law to Annie or find a replacement. If you lay down the law to Annie, she may feel resentful and take it out on your father. Therefore, it would be better to bite the bullet now and find a replacement — and this time, do a thorough background check.
DEAR ABBY: One of my co-workers has a habit of answering when someone asks me a question. I feel this is rude, and it aggravates me because she isn't even being spoken to. Am I being petty and, if not, how can I get her to stop doing it? — LAURA IN SAN ANGELO, TEXAS
DEAR LAURA: What your co-worker is doing is not only rude, in a work situation it can make you appear to be less effective and efficient than you are. Tell the woman plainly how offensive her habit is. And if she persists, speak up and say, "Excuse me. I believe that question was meant for me."
I need to know the truth about my mom and dad, and even though I want a relationship, I think it's too late to try to pursue one with her. I love her, even though I don't know her.
My boyfriend tells me I should go and see her, but I'm nervous and confused all at the same time. I'm scared that I might get heartbroken, and I don't want that to happen. Abby, what should I do? Should I leave it the way it is, or try to pursue a relationship with her? — IN MUCH PAIN IN NASHVILLE, N.C.
DEAR IN PAIN: First of all, I want you to know that all of the feelings you're experiencing — the love, the yearning, the nervousness and fear of rejection — are normal. It is natural for a child to want to know her parents and how she came to be adopted.
However, before you make any decisions about reaching out to this woman, you should discuss it with your family, which could help you avoid making a painful mistake. Because your friend "thinks" she has located your birth mother doesn't mean the woman is who the girl thinks she is.
It would be healthier for everyone concerned if your parents helped you to locate your birth mother at a time that is mutually agreeable. Most birth parents are as eager to be reunited with the children they placed for adoption as their offspring are.
DEAR ABBY: I hired a caregiver I'll call Annie to stay with my father while I work. When setting up Dad's pills for the coming week, I noticed that only one pill remained of one of his medications, and it was not due to be refilled for several weeks. I asked Annie about it; she denied any knowledge. No one other than my husband, Annie and Annie's adult, mentally ill daughter have access.
A few days later, Annie apologized and confessed that she had taken the pills. She once suffered from narcolepsy and felt her symptoms were returning, so she used the medicine to help. (My father needs it to stay awake during the day.) Annie also has her daughter, who is in a residence for the mentally ill, at my home almost every day and her 4-year-old granddaughter.
I am beginning to feel taken advantage of, but she is good to Dad and I dread finding a replacement. What is your opinion? — UNSURE IN INDIANA
DEAR UNSURE: As I see it, you have two choices: Lay down the law to Annie or find a replacement. If you lay down the law to Annie, she may feel resentful and take it out on your father. Therefore, it would be better to bite the bullet now and find a replacement — and this time, do a thorough background check.
DEAR ABBY: One of my co-workers has a habit of answering when someone asks me a question. I feel this is rude, and it aggravates me because she isn't even being spoken to. Am I being petty and, if not, how can I get her to stop doing it? — LAURA IN SAN ANGELO, TEXAS
DEAR LAURA: What your co-worker is doing is not only rude, in a work situation it can make you appear to be less effective and efficient than you are. Tell the woman plainly how offensive her habit is. And if she persists, speak up and say, "Excuse me. I believe that question was meant for me."