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Man undergoing therapy keeps threats of violence to himself
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DEAR ABBY: My fiance's brother, "Nate," is going through a separation from his wife of 11 years, "Joanne." Everyone on Nate's side of the family is giving him all the support they can, but they are still very close to his wife. They realize he is an emotional cripple, prone to fits of rage and depression.
    In order to save his marriage, Nate agreed to therapy and has been going regularly in the hope of saving the children from the experience of a messy divorce.
    Abby, Nate talks about having a "dark side" and often talks about doing physical harm to his wife. He admits that he has not mentioned these feelings to his therapist, which means he is wasting his time there. I would never forgive myself if something should happen to Joanne.
    Should I contact her and let her know? She already knows about his potential for violence. Or should I tell his therapist? I do not think their marriage is going to be saved, and when it's finally resolved is the time I fear the most. Any suggestions? -- LOST IN OHIO
    DEAR LOST: It appears Nate is not in therapy because he realizes he needs it, but rather to manipulate his wife into continuing an unhappy, potentially violent marriage. It is important that you inform Joanne that Nate has been talking about causing her physical harm and that he is not cooperating fully with his therapist. That way, she can take steps to protect herself — including discussing it with her attorney and/or the police.
    DEAR ABBY: My wife of eight years, "Gwen," told me she had been raped by our brother-in-law before we were married. I have an extremely tough time at family gatherings because of this. Gwen continues on as if nothing ever happened.
    Gwen refuses to talk about this to anyone. She says she told her parents about it at the time; however, they refused to believe her. She has now been diagnosed as bipolar and has severe depression.
    I need to know if there is anything I can do to help her. Gwen has been seeing a counselor, whom I speak to also. Should I bring it up during a session? I know this has severely hurt my wife over the years. Please advise. -- WORRIED ABOUT MY WIFE IN TEXAS
    DEAR WORRIED: Because your in-laws did not believe their daughter when she went to them about the rape, in a sense, your wife was raped twice. That kind of trauma, when suppressed, can resurface later in the form of depression and other problems. If Gwen has not already done so, her therapist should definitely be informed. To do so could hasten her healing.
    DEAR ABBY: How do you tell the difference between someone with a gambling problem and someone who is trying to become a poker champion?
    The person is my husband, and I'd like to support his dream of being a champion. I have never been around gamblers, and I am not sure where the line is drawn. -- QUEEN OF HEARTS IN ALBUQUERQUE
    DEAR QUEEN OF HEARTS: Many men and women enjoy gambling as a form of entertainment, and some can (and do) make a living at it. However, for some people gambling can become an addiction. These compulsive gamblers are unable to overcome the impulse to keep on trying, lose more money than they can afford to spend, and sacrifice their lifestyle and their family's future as their futile attempts drive them deeper and deeper into debt. These people need professional help and/or a 12-step program to overcome their addiction.
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