You want to hear a really funny piece from the current state legislative session? Try this line delivered with a straight face by state Sen. Ross Tolleson, R-Perry:
BROOKLET - Four Southeast Bulloch pitchers combined for 13 strikeouts and allowed only two earned runs as the Yellow Jackets (10-8) edged the Emanuel County Institute Bulldogs 5-4 after trailing for most of the Wednesday night game.
BLACKSBURG, Va. - Between his first and second bursts of gunfire, the Virginia Tech gunman mailed a package to NBC News containing images of him brandishing weapons and video of him delivering a diatribe about getting even with rich people.
Kacie Lanier and Kate Anna Akins ran the table Wednesday at the GISA Class AA state tournament to become doubles state champions in tennis.
The Supreme Court upheld the nationwide ban on a controversial abortion procedure Wednesday, handing abortion opponents the long-awaited victory they expected from a more conservative bench.
The 5-4 ruling said the Partial Birth Abortion Ban Act that Congress passed and President Bush signed into law in 2003 does not violate a woman's constitutional right to an abortion.
WASHINGTON - The Supreme Court's conservative majority upheld a nationwide ban Wednesday on a controversial abortion procedure in a decision that sets the stage for additional restrictions on a woman's right to choose.
Note: All information included in this report is taken from law enforcement incident reports and arrest records, which are public records and available for review at any and all local law enforcement agencies. Not every arrest leads to a conviction. Guilt or innocence is determined by the court system.
ATLANTA - Research on two continents signaled more bad news for menopause hormones, offering the strongest evidence yet that they can raise the risk of breast cancer and are tied to a slightly higher risk of ovarian cancer.
TRENTON, N.J. - It was an ominous tale - an erratic driver in a red pickup racing wildly along the nation's busiest toll road sends the governor's sport utility vehicle careening into a guard rail.
SAN JOSE, Calif. - Taxpayers who couldn't electronically file 11th-hour returns using Intuit Inc.'s TurboTax, ProSeries and other software won't be penalized for delays caused by the company's overtaxed servers, the IRS said Wednesday.
DEAR ABBY: I am unsure what to do about a friend who I thought was an honest, law-abiding citizen. She bragged to me that she's committing welfare fraud by not revealing additional income.
We are looking at the myths that surround a one-club opening. Here is another sentence I have heard numerous times: "I had to rebid my five-card minor to tell partner it wasn't a short minor."
Ambitious undertakings can be accomplished, provided you partner with resourceful and progressive associates. Dealings you have with those who lack imagination and/or skills aren't apt to be too gainful.
Two doubles teams from Bulloch Academy won twice Monday to advance to this morning's semifinals at the GISA Class AA state tennis tournament in Tifton.
CHICAGO - Walter Unbehaun has spent nearly all of his adult life behind bars, so it's not surprising that he faces sentencing Thursday for yet another crime, a bank robbery last year. His reason for robbing the bank is surprising, though: He was homesick for prison.
Lloyd William "Billy" Barnes
Statesboro battled hard throughout the regular season to earn a top seed in the Region 3-AAAA tournament and showed why they deserved to be the favorites, demolishing Cross Creek in a 7-0 blowout Wednesday afternoon at Womack Field.
For the first time since the 2009 season, Statesboro's baseball team will host a postseason contest.
PHILADELPHIA - Julio Teheran pitched a three-hitter, Evan Gattis homered among a career-best four hits, and the Atlanta Braves beat the Philadelphia Phillies 1-0 Wednesday night.
CHARLESTON, S.C. - Garrett Chapman went 4-for-5 at the plate as the Georgia Southern Eagles scored three runs in the fourth inning to defeat the College of Charleston Cougars 7-3 on Wednesday.
AUGUSTA - The Statesboro Blue Devils put up huge numbers on Wednesday in the opening day of the Region 3-AAAA meet at Cross Creek in Augusta.
ORLANDO - The Orlando Sports Foundation and Orlando Mayor Buddy Dyer announced Wednesday the creation of the Cure Bowl, a postseason college football game matching-up the Sun Belt Conference against the American Athletic Conference beginning in December 2015.
When the Statesboro Blue Devils have a big game on the calendar, figuring out who to send to the mound is becoming a pretty easy decision.
ATLANTA - Major League Soccer announced its newest team Wednesday, unveiling an expansion team for Atlanta that will begin play in 2017 at the city's new retractable roof stadium.
ATHENS - Quarterback Aaron Murray still has some convincing to do after undergoing reconstructive knee surgery in late November.
HILTON HEAD ISLAND, S.C. - Get ready, Augusta National. Jordan Spieth can't wait for another chance at that green jacket.
City Council voted Tuesday to proceed with the second half of a study that prepares Statesboro for a city stormwater department and a monthly fee to fund it.
Note: All information included in this report is taken from law enforcement incident reports and arrest records, which are public records and available for review at any and all local law enforcement agencies. Not every arrest leads to a conviction. Guilt or innocence is determined by the court system. Arrest photos are available for viewing at statesboroherald.com/arrests/
NEW YORK - After failed attempts and broken dreams, by golly, someone went and put "Fargo" on series TV.