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'Time traveler' not presidential timber

            With only a year to decide for whom to vote in the presidential election, I've been doing some research. I still have no idea who will get my vote, but I sure discovered who will not.

            I invite readers to check out Internet web site www.politics1.com and review the candidates, both Democrat, Republican and otherwise. I decided last election to call myself either a Demopublican or a Republicrat, but I don't quite know what to call some of these interesting characters I found on this web site.

            Aside from the well-known front-runners who are being taken seriously, there are a number of presidential candidates - some quite frightening.

            Democratic candidate Warren R. Ashe, VA., ran in 2000 and 2004, and is running again. Touted as one of the most eccentric candidates, he claims to have been "President, United Nations, 1973-2003 ... Appointed President, United States White House, 1981-2003 ... Candidate, United States President, 2000 ... Vice President, West Wing - Carter Administration, 1977-1981 ... [and] Vice President, West Wing - Ford Administration, 1973-1977," says he is a veteran of the Navy, Army  and Air Force and owns a $40 million corporation.

             But the weird thing is this. " He said (according to the web site) "I am involved with time travel communications that are real. And capable of time travel contact throughout history itself. I also build flying saucers that are capable of going to another solar system at high warp speed."

            Democratic candidate Christina Gerasimos Billings-Elias, CA, calls herself "Princess Christina Gerasimos Billings-Elias" because she claims her great uncle is a "descendant of Queen Victoria."

            Check out Democrat Randolph W. "Randy" Crow, NC. He has run for Congress and city council as well as the Senate and the presidency.  In an e-mail to Politics1 in 2000, Crow explained his motives: "I am involved in politics to get rid of filthy communists and lots of others." He also believes the FBI blew up TWA Flight 800 with a laser, hates Jews,  and said on his web site "It has been 13 years since the FBI fessed up to the fact they were investigating me. All my files are classified ... In 1994 the Federal Force manipulated a bunch of mess which questioned my sanity ... I think the Force had some weird blood work done on me or possibly put a computer chip in me."

            Democratic candidate Albert "Big Al" Hamburg , WY, has lost 17 consecutive bids for President, governor, US Senate and Congress. He wore a Nazi helmet for his 2004 campaign photo and made the headlines in the 1980s when he sued a woman for breach of contract involving a car he sold to her. He claimed in a lawsuit the woman agreed to have sex with him 50 times in exchange for the car -- but that she stopped servicing him after 33 times.

            The democrats certainly don't have a monopoly on goof balls. Republican candidate Michael Jesus Archangel, MI, uses the name "Saint Michael Jesus the Archangel"  said (according to the web site)  "From the time I was a little boy I knew I was God and Michael the Archangel, but I didn't dare tell anyone, not even anyone in my family because I knew that the devil, Satan, was going to try to murder Me, and indeed he did try, four separate times."

            Archangel was arrested on attempted murder and other felony charges in March 2006.

            Georgia Democrat Allen M. Bunch can't even spell his own name, since on his official paperwork and web site he is referred to as "Alan" and "Alen".

            "I am sorry to be vague in this document, but there might be members of the alien criminal element that might want to do me harm and until I qualify as a presidential candidate; I am not entitled to get Secret Service," he explains on his web site.

            It's not just the two major parties that attract the nut cases. Alaska's Gene Amondson is running for president under the Prohibition Party; Cris Ericson of Vermont is running as the Marijuana Party's candidate; and Jack Grimes from Pennsylvania is running for president under the United Fascist Union.

            The "Give Me Back America" party chose New Jersey's Charles Maxham, and Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey,  also from New Jersey, is running under the Vampire, Witches and Pagan Party.

            Hmm, what choices. Do I go for Maxham, who will give me back my country? Or should we try the dude with the computer chip?

             I think our best bet is Ashe. Maybe he can go back in time and correct all the fiascoes our past presidents have caused.

            Want a good laugh? Visit the Internet web site www.politics1.com and then click on the links to individual candidates' web sites.

            Holli Deal Bragg, whose head is still spinning from the absurdities some presidential candidates share on their web sites, may be reached at 489-9414 or by e-mail at hbragg@statesboroherald.net.

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