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Dear Abby 4/25

Husband's sexual insecurity puts happy marriage at risk

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Posted: April 24, 2007 5:54 p.m.
Updated: May 9, 2007 5:00 a.m.
DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married for nearly three years. My husband is fine except for one problem: He has a very tiny male organ. It does not bother me, but he constantly apologizes to me about it. He's so self-conscious that he doesn't like for me to see him undressed.
    I'm an old-fashioned girl. I saved myself for marriage. Before I met my husband I did some heavy petting with a couple of former boyfriends, but that was all. When he and I dated, I knew he was not as well-endowed as my former boyfriends, but I accepted it.
    Now he has started saying he thinks I should have an affair with someone "properly endowed" so I won't feel cheated. He says he wants me to experience satisfaction in a way he knows he can't provide me.
    Abby, I don't want this. I can't understand why he's asking me to do such a thing. He keeps harping on it. At first, I was shocked. Now I must admit, he has me wondering if I really am missing something. Should I do it to pacify him and satisfy my own curiosity? I can't bring myself to go against my upbringing and commit adultery.
    Please advise me. I'm frustrated about this entire situation. -- NO BIG THING?
    DEAR "NO": If you do what your husband is suggesting, he will never forgive you, and it will spell the end of your marriage. He is only testing you; don't go for it.
    Your husband's insecurity has gotten the best of his reasoning, and he's overdue for a frank talk with his doctor about what it takes to provide satisfaction for his wife.
    While he's at it, he should ask for a referral to a specialist who can help him overcome his irrational insecurity. If he refuses to go, I urge you to go without him. It could save your marriage — which at this point is in big trouble.

    DEAR ABBY: I have been working as a nurse's aide for more than 20 years. Now that I am older, no one wants to hire me. I'm in good health and very active. I have never missed a day of work except in 1996, when I had surgery for colon cancer. Three weeks after that I went back to work, even though I took chemotherapy for a year.
    I really need to work. Living on my husband's small Social Security check is impossible. I have a grown daughter who is bipolar. Our combined incomes barely cover the rent and some of our utilities.
    Why can't we older folks be allowed to do something we like? I have met and taken care of some wonderful people. Having a lot in common really helped.
    I don't want charity — just a chance to work. I'm not ready to sit in a rocking chair and watch television. I enjoy getting up in the morning and being needed. Not being active bores me to death. Maybe it's time you said something about older folks who are still young at heart, Abby. -- NEEDS TO BE ACTIVE
    DEAR NEEDS TO BE ACTIVE: With pleasure. Not everyone ages at the same rate. We all know people who are vigorous and healthy well into their 70s and beyond. I view older workers as a valued resource. Those who are able and willing to devote their energies to the workplace should be given the opportunity. Their loyalty, work ethic and wealth of experience are tremendous assets to any employer.
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