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Dear Abby 3/14

Stepdad is far too persistent in trying to photograph girl

DEAR ABBY: I am 18 years old. I live with my girlfriend, and we live with her mother, 7-year-old sister and her stepdad.
    When I first met her, she told me that her stepfather had tried to get her to take nude pictures "so she would trust him and won't be shy." He has asked her twice since we have been together. Each time he has asked, he has told her not to tell me, yet he tells her that he wants her to take the pictures so I will have something to look at when they leave on vacations.
    Recently, because he wasn't able to get her to take the pictures, he told her that she and I need to have sex and be loud about it so he can hear — "so she will trust him." During the same conversation he told her he was thinking about making her take the pictures, but figured she would hate him forever, so he didn't.
    Before that happened, we found a device that looked like a small hidden camera in her bedroom. We weren't sure what it was, so we waited until one day we pressed "Play" on the VCR and all you could hear was the radio in her room and everything that was going on — like the TV and us talking. He was trying to record us, and he tried to blame it on his 7-year-old daughter.
    I'm not the kind of guy to get into family problems, but I love my girlfriend, and I'm tired of hearing and seeing this. Please tell me what you think I should do. — GETTING WORRIED IN FLORIDA
    DEAR GETTING WORRIED IN FLORIDA: I'm glad you wrote to me because you have every right to be worried. Putting aside your unusual living situation, it is apparent from your letter that your girlfriend's stepfather has an unhealthy interest in her. He is at the very least a voyeur, and possibly a pedophile.
    It is very important that you and your girlfriend discuss this with a trusted teacher or counselor at her school or with a clergyperson. If you are reluctant to do this for yourselves, then please do it for the 7-year-old girl in that household — because if this man is behaving this way with your girlfriend, it is only a matter of time until it happens to her (if it hasn't already).

    DEAR ABBY: My parents come to visit about once every two months. My mother is very nosy. She goes through my stuff when I am not at home. She will do my laundry for me (which gives her access to my bedroom, my dresser, my closet, etc.). She uses the excuse that she is "cleaning" to snoop.
    The last time she was here, she "did my laundry," and when Dad and I got home, my personal lubricant was sitting on my microwave! I was so embarrassed.
    Abby, I am a grown woman. I am 33 years old, and I am tired of her leaving my personal stuff out to let me know she knows I have it. What do I do? — MISS T. IN DACULA, GA.
    DEAR MISS T.: Well, your "secret" is out. Both your parents know you are sexually active. You should have had a frank talk with your mother and set some boundaries years ago.
    You now have a choice: You can get a deadbolt lock for you bedroom door to prevent your mother from embarrassing you again. Or, you can take the bull by the horns and leave the personal lubricant next to her bed the next time your parents visit. When she brings it up, tell her that since you're all adults, you assumed she needed to use it during her last visit but had forgotten where it belonged. It should be interesting to see how she handles it when the "hot potato" winds up back in her lap.

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