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Dear Abby 3/10

Woman's head and heart are at war over cheating husband

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Posted: March 9, 2007 7:02 p.m.
Updated: March 24, 2007 5:00 a.m.
DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband, "Rolly," for nine and a half years. I have just confirmed that he has been cheating on me — again! I had my suspicions and began checking his phone records. I love Rolly unconditionally.
    We had a huge fight about it, and the girl and her friends were calling my home saying they were going to slit my throat. Then the phone calls stopped — until yesterday. The girl was trying to reach Rolly, and when I answered there was only silence on the other end of the line. I know he called her friend the night before, the one who said she would cut my throat. It's hard to believe he would call someone who would say that to me, but he did. He tried to lie about it, but I have the phone records.
    Please tell me what to do. My heart tells me one thing and my head tells me another. — BROKENHEARTED IN COLUMBUS, MISS.
    DEAR BROKENHEARTED: You have my sympathy. I'm sure it hasn't been easy being married to a womanizer, and from your description of your husband's behavior, Rolly definitely qualifies. I hope you will contact your doctor so you can be checked for STDs, because the quality of the women he's chasing could not be lower.
    The time has come to ask yourself "the" question: Are you better off with him or without him? And when you answer it, please use your head this time, because listening to your heart has given you nothing but grief.

    DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have two children, ages 6 and 4. A couple of months after our 4-year-old was born, my husband's brother and sister-in-law were killed in a car wreck. My husband and I took it very hard, and both of us went into deep depression.
    We are currently on medication and doing much better, but the damage has already been done. Because we both suffered from depression, our kids were often spoiled and not disciplined consistently.
    I am now at my wits' end about how to get them back under control. I love my children very much and regret not doing the right thing from the start. — WITS' END, BEVIER, MO.
    DEAR WITS' END: It's not too late to sit your youngsters down, individually and together, and explain exactly what you expect of them and what the consequences will be if they misbehave. It should be done in a loving, but firm manner with unbroken eye contact. Then if they break the rules after that, you must mete out the consequences consistently, and not allow them to make you lose your cool. And when they do things right, they should be praised and rewarded for it — but not "bribed."
    DEAR ABBY: My husband and I feel terrible. Our dog just killed the next-door farmer's young turkey. We saw "Tuffy" running away, dragging the bird in his mouth. Needless to say, Tuffy will never be allowed off his leash outside anymore.
    What is the proper way to make this up to the farmer? — EMBARRASSED IN LIBERTY, S.C.
    DEAR EMBARRASSED: Pick up the phone and call the farmer next door, or go over there in person to apologize and explain what happened. Then offer to either buy them another turkey to replace their feathered friend who died so tragically, or take them out for a turkey dinner with all the trimmings.
    A TIMELY REMINDER TO MY READERS: Daylight-saving time starts early this year, at 2 a.m. tomorrow morning. So don't forget to turn your clocks ahead one hour tonight at bedtime. Remember the old saying: "Spring forward, fall back."
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