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Ask Dr. Gott 1/19

Asexual and just fine that way

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Posted: January 18, 2007 6:47 p.m.
Updated: February 2, 2007 5:00 a.m.
DEAR DR. GOTT: I hope you print my letter, because I am interested in knowing whether there are others like me.
    I am a fairly young female with a chronic condition that has made me asexual. My doctor has recommended help in restoring my desire for sex. However, I have declined. The reason is that I truly do not care. In fact, I am finding this state of being asexual truly liberating!
    We live in a sex-obsessed society. Media messages on all fronts suggest that we should all strive for increasingly greater sex appeal. We can't look at a magazine or a movie without blatant images of sex and sexiness that we're supposed to live up to. And we spend scads of money on services and products that lure us into thinking we'll be sexier with each use.
    I no longer have this desire. I no longer feel pressured to be sexy or sex-driven. Consequently, I no longer feel inadequate or inferior, either. I feel free to focus on myself and others in more generous and satisfying ways. It's a shame that it took an illness for me to realize the egregious trap most of us are in. Wouldn't it be great if more people spoke up about the joy of not being pressured by constant sex?
    To answer what I am sure you are thinking, I still primp and endeavor to be attractive. I am active and do all that I can to maintain good health. My husband and I enjoy intimacy in other ways and we're closer than ever.
    DEAR READER: In a very personal way, you have raised a question that is less medical than it is sociological/psychological.
    Although a loss of libido can often be reversed by low-dose testosterone (male hormone) therapy, many women choose to avoid treatment and — as in your case — regard asexuality as preferable. I respect your view, and I can tell you this condition is not rare. However, asexual women who are concerned about this need to know that testosterone will often awaken dormant sexual impulses. If, on the other hand, such women believe their lives are more fulfilled, they should not be labeled as being strange or "sick." This is simply a question of choosing other options in our sex-oriented society.

    DEAR DR. GOTT: I tried Vicks VapoRub on my heels, and they are now smooth! One month ago, my husband called my heels "the Grand Canyon." I put Vicks on every night and morning for one week. Now I use it only at night.
    The Vicks is clearing my husband's nail fungus, too. We have both been trying to clear these symptoms for years!
    DEAR READER: I'm glad I could help you. Thanks for writing.
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