View Mobile Site
  • Bookmark and Share

Friends to Follow


Event

Calendar

Quick Links

Dear Abby 1/13

This friend in need finds some good friends indeed

Text Size: Small Large Medium
Posted: January 12, 2007 6:03 p.m.
Updated: January 27, 2007 5:00 a.m.
DEAR ABBY: I have read your column for years; now it's my turn with a question. Two years ago, some friends of mine saw I was in a real bind, caught in a vicious circle I couldn't get out of on my own. They invited me to move into their spare room until I could meet some goals and was able to move on. I decided to accept their offer.
    The time I have spent with them has literally changed my life. I have grown tremendously in the last year and a half — emotionally, spiritually and mentally. I have even improved physically. From day one, they made me a member of their family, and I have come to love them as such. They have been my supporters, my advisers, my friends, and I count myself lucky to have been part of their household.
    Now that I have met most of my goals, I am getting ready to move out, and I am not sure how to repay them. They have literally set my life in a new direction. Any successes I have from this point on will be success that they have had a hand in.
    How do I thank this couple and their family for all they have done for me in the last 18 months? -- GRATEFUL WOMAN IN THE MIDWEST
    DEAR GRATEFUL: I doubt that anything you could buy for these angels on Earth would mean as much to them as a handwritten letter from you expressing the feelings you have confided to me. I am sure it would be something they would treasure for the rest of their lives.
    Of course, it goes without saying that being able to move out and live a full, successful and happy life will also show them that their efforts were not wasted. I cannot imagine a better tribute to their generosity.

    DEAR ABBY: About a year ago, my brother, "Ronny," stopped speaking to our parents. He said they did something "unforgivable" to him during his childhood. I know Ronny wasn't neglected or physically or sexually abused. From what my parents have told me about e-mails they have received from him, he is angry about basic mistakes parents make.
    Recently he mentioned that he just wants them to "respect" him. I have seen Ronny become overly sensitive about any sort of teasing that comes his way, and I guess that he's referring to this. I have asked him not to tell me his reason, for fear of being too angry about why he made this decision. This mess has caused a lot of tension in our whole family.
    My brother is coming to visit me and my family in a few weeks, but won't be visiting our parents. How do I handle their questions and probing about his visit, and what do I say when they get angry about his not visiting them? -- RONNY'S SISTER IN IOWA
    DEAR SISTER: I think you should ask your brother about his reasons and withhold judgment. I'm glad that he wasn't beaten or sexually abused as a child. However, someone should have told your parents that "teasing" can be like acid, eating away at a person's self-worth.
    While it may seem to you that Ronny is overly sensitive, I find it interesting that you didn't mention what he was teased about that was so hurtful he's avoiding "the folks." Was the teasing two-way, or was it aimed only in one direction? And was it persistent?
    Do not allow your parents to put you in the middle. This isn't your squabble; you have nothing to do with it. When they ask how the visit went, tell them it was "nice" — if it was. Do not go into chapter and verse. And if they become angry that Ronny did not visit them, face it — the problem is theirs, and it's up to them to resolve it, not you.
SUBSCRIBE to the Statesboro Herald print edition or online e-Edition and get EXCLUSIVE news and information online with complete access to all complete stories on statesboroherald.com. Now you'll have Soundoff, Local Birth Announcements and columnists like Jan Moore, Larry Sheehy, Kathy Bradley, John Bressler and Holli Bragg. Also, Letters to the Editor, Local Editorials and many new exclusive items will all be there just for you! And, when you're away from home, you can read the paper page by page anywhere, anytime from your computer with your subscription.

COMMENTS

SUBMIT A COMMENT

Commenting is not available.

Hot Topics

Most Popular

Commenting not available.

Please wait ...